It's always good to go to job interviews with two resumes: regular and baffling.
The burglar might think you're there to kick his butt, but really you're going for a late snack.
Taylor's grandmother won't come to his wedding if he marries a black woman, but she'll probably be dead by then.
It's best to shush your partner when they're talking about something important in front of people.
The burglar might think you're there to kick his butt, but really you're going for a late snack.
Comedians don't get the city to themselves during the day anymore.
Life is so hard -- don't you ever just want to give up?
In October, thin girls have to put their shirts back on. And then what are they gonna do? Talk?
Walter can say "fuck you," but Jeff can't.
Racial tolerance only lasts so long with white friends. Before you know it, they're karate-chopping you.
Doug is a tiny, tiny man.
A one-armed man will fight for his arm rest.
