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Doug Mellard

Doug Mellard grew up in Plano, Texas. At thirteen he thought he had a lot more growing to do, but it turned out that five-foot-six was all this Texas boy could hope for. With basketball scholarships and tallest-guy-ever competitions forever out of his reach, Doug turned to comedy for comfort. In the summer of 2003 he snuck into Willie Nelson's carry-on suitcase and headed down to Austin, Texas

Once in Austin, Doug immediately landed his first paying gig --as a shoe salesman at Ross Dress for Less. Unsatisfied and unfulfilled, Doug decided to leave Ross for bigger and better things. He immediately became a shoe salesman for Legs Diamond, a locally-owned shoe store on the University of Texas Campus. Here he found that college girls love a guy with ample panty hose socks and a sense of humor. He soon began showing up at local comedy clubs and once he convinced them he was over sixteen, he quickly shot to the top of the renowned Austin comedy scene.

Since 2003, Doug has opened and featured for the likes of Patton Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins, Frank Caliendo, Maria Bamford, and Andy Kindler, just to name a few.

In May 2006 he was voted "Funniest Person in Austin" at the Capitol City Comedy Club by a panel of judges comprised of Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, and Montreal Comedy Festival representatives. In 2006 he also made it to the semi-finals of NBC'S "Last Comic Standing Season 4." Doug is also a co-creator/member of the Austin comedy sketch group, "The Hooligan... [MORE]

Once in Austin, Doug immediately landed his first paying gig --as a shoe salesman at Ross Dress for Less. Unsatisfied and unfulfilled, Doug decided to leave Ross for bigger and better things. He immediately became a shoe salesman for Legs Diamond, a locally-owned shoe store on the University of Texas Campus. Here he found that college girls love a guy with ample panty hose socks and a sense of humor. He soon began showing up at local comedy clubs and once he convinced them he was over sixteen, he quickly shot to the top of the renowned Austin comedy scene.

Since 2003, Doug has opened and featured for the likes of Patton Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins, Frank Caliendo, Maria Bamford, and Andy Kindler, just to name a few.

In May 2006 he was voted "Funniest Person in Austin" at the Capitol City Comedy Club by a panel of judges comprised of Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, and Montreal Comedy Festival representatives. In 2006 he also made it to the semi-finals of NBC'S "Last Comic Standing Season 4." Doug is also a co-creator/member of the Austin comedy sketch group, "The Hooligan Show."

Doug currently headlines the Velveeta Room in Austin, Texas and works as a house emcee and feature act at Capitol City Comedy Club when he isn't touring.

He still sells women's shoes in his free time...but now he does it for the love of the art. [LESS]

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Doug Mellard Videos Doug Mellard Jokes

Doug Mellard - Cub Scout

I am a tiny, tiny man.

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Posted: 07/06/07
Views: 15,833

Doug Mellard - Gay Bars

Dude, why are you dressed so gay?

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Doug Mellard - Superman

This guy is crazy -- or he's Superman!

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Doug Mellard - ADD

It's hard to kill when you have ADD.

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Doug Mellard - Running in Place

Doug gets his mojo going.

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Doug Mellard - Bad Ass Cub Scout

Doug is a tiny, tiny man.

Tags: Doug Mellard (3), sex (983), parents (467)

Posted: 07/05/07
Views: 588

Doug Mellard - Highlights for Kids

Highlights magazine is the best magazine ever.

Tags: Doug Mellard (3), kids (642), money (471)

Posted: 07/05/07
Views: 492

Doug Mellard - Valentine's Day

Doug hates Valentine's Day.

Tags: Doug Mellard (3), men/women (919), dating (637)

Posted: 07/05/07
Views: 449

Doug Mellard: Prophylactics

I remember one point, this older gentleman asked me for some prophylactics, and at that time, my sexual vocabulary wasn't that great, you know. So,...

Posted: 07/05/2007

Doug Mellard: Why I Hate Valentine's Day

Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's Day -- 'cause a few years ago, on Valentine's night, I thought I would have a nice, romantic evening in with...

Posted: 07/05/2007

Doug Mellard: Back in Time

If I could go back in time, I would go to the set of 'Back to the Future' in a DeLorean and tell Michael J. Fox that he has Parkinson's.

Posted: 07/05/2007