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Doug Stanhope

Watch all 12 Videos by Doug Stanhope »

The Ugly One
Leo
The Perfect Girlfriend
Doug Stanhope's ability to be honest and uninhibited while remaining likeable has made him one of the best comics working today. On his third comedy album, "Die Laughing," Doug rants about school shootings, drugs and alcohol, abortion, sexual abuse and other controversial topics. His previous two albums contain more semi-autobiographical stories, such as the time he got rolled by a transvestite... [MORE]
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Doug Stanhope Videos Doug Stanhope Jokes
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Doug Stanhope - The Ugly One

Nobody ever talks about being the ugly one in drunken hookups.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), sex (999), men/women (942)

Posted: 09/04/98
Views: 1,449

Doug Stanhope - Leo

Nobody wanted Leonardo DiCaprio in his younger days.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Premium Blend (749), movies (224)

Posted: 09/04/98
Views: 1,032

Doug Stanhope - The Perfect Girlfriend

It's not a good idea if you want to retain any sense of self-worth.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), men/women (942), Premium Blend (749)

Posted: 09/04/98
Views: 972

Doug Stanhope - Old People

Doug Stanhope hates how the elderly use their age as an excuse.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), sex (999)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 2,490

Doug Stanhope - 75-Year-Old Sex

Doug Stanhope does not want to be 90, combing his last three hairs and looking to get lucky.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), sex (999)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 5,075

Doug Stanhope - Bored of Sex

There's only so many different ways to have sex until you get bored.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), sex (999)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 3,334

Doug Stanhope - Babies

Doug Stanhope can't stand being around babies.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), kids (650)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 750

Doug Stanhope - Stop Having Kids

Doug Stanhope doesn't want to sound like a prick, but he resents your children.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), kids (650)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 2,440

Doug Stanhope - Vices

Doug Stanhope thinks taking part in vices is punishment enough.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), health (545)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 1,386

Doug Stanhope - Prostitution

Doug Stanhope makes a case for the legalization of prostitution.

Tags: Doug Stanhope (12), Comedy Central Presents (1858), sex (999)

Posted: 09/23/01
Views: 2,623

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Doug Stanhope: How Alcohol Works on Ugly

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Posted: 09/04/1998

Doug Stanhope: The Perfect Person

If you ever find the perfect person, run so fast that they see flames shoot out of your ass 'cause all the perfect person does is amplify your...

Posted: 09/04/1998

Doug Stanhope: Chattanooga, TN

That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Drinking Age

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Elderly Getting Lucky

Oh look, she smiled at me!' It's because you sh*t your pants.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Sex Is a Narrow Avenue

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Babies Are Like Poems

Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Adoption

If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby -- go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made...

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Too Much Coke

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Posted: 09/23/2001

Doug Stanhope: Real Cop vs. Vice Cop

A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.

Posted: 09/23/2001

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