That could be an important baby you're not having.
Eugene Mirman can't find an all-night, five star dining situation in Pennsylvania.
Erotic 'Step Up 3D' fan fiction isn't going to write itself.
Eugene Mirman wants the government out of his life just as much as you do.
The immigrant in Eugene, who came to America to seek a better life, is disappointed in the district attorney.
Linens 'N Things went out of business because they weren't specific enough.
Religion becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.
A real dare is building a time machine, jerking off in it, then sending it to Hitler.
This month's Open Mic Challenge theme is The Best of '09, so put your best stand-up from '09 here.