| Jeff Stilson Videos | Jeff Stilson Jokes |
When flirting, you want to act confident, not maniacal.
Women should have teleprompters mounted on their foreheads.
Fluffy might be cute, but he's not getting a liver transplant.
Rats are just a bushy tail away from being a squirrel.
"Delivery" is the wrong word to describe child birth.
Couples should spend two weeks apart after they get married.
Marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug.
Jeff could never, ever raise a child that he gave birth to.
Your father's an alcoholic because you're a loser.
Poor Jesus. First he's crucified, then he has to spend his
Saturdays with Jerry Falwell.
I've always found the study of language intriguing. I had a
linguistics professor who always said, 'It's man's ability to use language that makes...
Our Supreme Court has even ruled that forcing one inmate to
share a cell with another who smokes is cruel and unusual punishment. In other words,...
I moved here about 13 years ago from Seattle, Washington. I
left a city that has a high suicide rate for a city that has a high homicide rate. I...
There are too many weird Olympic events now, like that one
where the gymnasts prance around the mat swirling a piece of ribbon. It's called...
Do you know what retired parents are like? They're like
telemarketers that you can't hang up on. They refuse to take you off their call list.
I was present for all of their births. That's expected of men
now. We gotta be there when the kids are born, and I'm still not sure what our role...
I could never, ever raise a child to whom I gave birth because
a newborn is about the size of a basketball. And if I had to expel a basketball from...
I don't have any sympathy for people who suffer from low
self-esteem. You don't need to love yourself. You just need to hate a lot of other people,...
There's a lot of pressure on parents, man, just figured that
out. Parents get blamed for everything now. Even when their kids are grown up and out...