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View John Mendoza's Profile »
John hates kids.
If you want to meet stupid people, lock your keys in your car.
Having Monday off doesn't make a difference to Fred.
Denny's: a place to eat for the tired or wasted.
Grandmothers make furniture look better with doilies.
Richard Lewis can smell good food anywhere.
You can spackle windows with tofu.
Older siblings are just bored, miserable a**holes.
Richard Lewis' grandparents lived for food.
Growing up, Richard had depression fairs instead of birthday parties.