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If your parents don't know they're having twins, you can actually crash your own birth.
Chain restaurants are a butt-fluff of suggestive selling and happy-happy birthday songs.
Marianne Sierk is flattered when her co-worker calls her a pretty, thin bimbo with no common sense.
Do not stick anything in a dolphin's blowhole.
You never hear about someone kidnapping badass children.
There's no use asking the dumb kids for answers.
When you're old, you wake up angry.
The minute that you think your kids have reason, they're the worst people in the world.
You can't hi-five the death of a family member.
Paul Varghese's apartment has a bed and a set of drawers.