I want to be a thug so bad, but I can't 'cause I wear glasses.
Isn't that crazy? No one respects my thug-ism because I have astigmatism.
Posted: 01/16/2003
They want to keep foreign threats out of the U.S. I have a
solution. I think we should put a velvet rope around the entire U.S. border and hire...
Posted: 01/16/2003
I knew some people who lost their jobs after 30 years of work.
They went in their cubicle, and they had a note that said, 'Get yo' ass out.' And...
Posted: 01/25/2007
There are simple things I love about a woman. I love it when
you smile, especially when you have teeth.
Posted: 01/25/2007
My girl Puerto Rican, man, and I don't think her family
understands me. All they know is that I'm black and do comedy. They be calling me Eddie...
Posted: 01/25/2007
Interracial dating is becoming more popular. I see people
dating, man -- different cultures, different ethnic groups, different religions, man....
Posted: 01/25/2007
The first girl I ever made love to, she was ghetto as hell. She
told me, 'You couldn't even handle this.' I was like, 'Ooh, bring it over here....
Posted: 01/25/2007
I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked
smart. I'm like, huh? I ain't smart; I can't see! I didn't go to Harvard; I went to...
Posted: 01/25/2007
You can't be gangster with astigmatism. And I love grimy music,
but I can't be a thug. What am I gonna do -- rob bookstores?
Posted: 01/25/2007
I know tap water. I grew up drinking it, I did. My mother
wouldn't buy anything else. But she tried to make tap water sound delicious. She called...
Posted: 01/25/2007