I actually just brought them back to the airport today. They
leave tomorrow.
Posted: 02/24/1992
I'm actually dating a professional athlete now. He's a bowler.
Posted: 02/24/1992
They shake it at the end, did you know that? If women had
penises, we would not shake them -- we would dab.
Posted: 02/24/1992
You shouldn't be called ma'am until you've had your first
mammogram.
Posted: 02/24/1992
I became a mom myself for the first time. I actually adopted a
baby. I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.
Posted: 06/04/1999
My mom wanted to know why I never get home for the holidays. I
said, 'Well, I can't get Delta to wait in the yard while I run in.'
Posted: 06/04/1999
I get in the dressing room. I'm in there like five, 10 minutes.
She comes knocking at the door. I go, 'What?' 'You've been in there a while. Are...
Posted: 06/04/1999
Safety was not a big thing when I was growing up. A seatbelt
was something that got in the way. I'd be like, 'Ma, this seatbelt's digging into my...
Posted: 06/04/1999
You don't know what love is 'til you become a parent. You don't
know what love is 'til you fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to...
Posted: 06/04/1999
I don't like hairy guys, though. I tried it. I dated a little,
hairy guy once. He'd take a bath at my house -- it looked like the sewer backed up.
Posted: 06/04/1999