Maria Bamford plans on stealing all the stuff off of her Mexican neighbor's lawn.
Believing in God feels something like being a terrified third-world shanty town at night.
Maria Bamford is mentoring kids and running for neighborhood council.
Maria Bamford's manager suggested she get Botox.
When someone would ask Maria Bamford out, she'd say, "Just take my purse, don't hurt me!"
Maria Bamford presents a portion of her act that generically does well with most people.
If you feel alone, call the operator and she will listen to you for a 45-minute session.
Africa is full of starvation and civil war because they don't know "the secret."
Don't touch Donna's label maker, don't even look at it -- she bought it with her own money.
For breakfast, Maria eats a mug of chocolate chip ice cream for a sweet power surge.