My buddy tells me the best way to lose weight: don't eat after
7:00. Well, that's good if you go to bed after 'Jeopardy.'
Posted: 12/08/2002
One good thing about food poisoning, you look like you're in
shape for the next three days. You're all dehydrated. 'Hey, I'm ripped. I'm cut up.'
Posted: 12/08/2002
I'm Catholic, so I had to go to Pre-Cana class before I got
married. That's when I had to go to a Catholic priest, and he was going to tell me how...
Posted: 12/08/2002
These phones don't even ring anymore. They play the National
Anthem. I'm on the bus yesterday, this guy's phone rang like three times. Half of us...
Posted: 12/08/2002
Guys, can you feel anything with a condom on? You can slam the
tip of my dick in a car door, I wouldn't even blink if I had a condom on.
Posted: 05/09/2002
The diaphragm, there's a spontaneous device. You're about to
have sex, she has to get up, get like 12 tubes of epoxy, 400 popsicle sticks. Comes...
Posted: 05/09/2002
After sex, girls get all energetic. My girlfriend wants to cook
stuff. She's got a cake in the oven. She's raking leaves. She's putting gutters on...
Posted: 05/09/2002
I'm Catholic. According to my religion, masturbation is as
serious a sin as murdering somebody. Hey, if that's true, say hello to the new Hitler....
Posted: 05/09/2002
I got one woman to admit she masturbated, this older woman. I
asked her what she used. She told me she used a Crest toothpaste tube. See what us...
Posted: 05/09/2002
Only in this country are obese people considered disabled,
which is a crock of crap. If you're missing an arm or a leg, you're disabled. If you're...
Posted: 05/09/2002