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They're about to fight and I'm like Jagger at Altamont!
My baby's name is April June May.
I didn't know they made white chocolate cake!
I am married. Pack up your vaginas and go home.
When you're on stage, play a game with yourself.
He had the helmet!
A mullet will come and take the tobacco out of your hand.
He got censored.
He loves midgets!
If you're in the gym and sweating, you're working out.
There's no such thing as a bad stand-up experience.
Don't call Daniel for an audition, he'll call you.
I probably should have dropped out of comedy that night at Rascals.
Rich recounts a horrible tour to Miami.
Fellas, stop checking out our butts.
Eddie Pence kicks Chihuahua ass.
Did Hitler not have any relatives?
It's called "settling down" for a reason.
The minute that you think your kids have reason, they're the worst people in the world.
You can tell who the tourists are by how they react to a homeless guy playing with his nipples.