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When women watch Lifetime, they just collect emotional baggage by the hour.
Comedians don't get the city to themselves during the day anymore.
Drinking eight beers a night for your art might sound like fun, that is, until you start springing leaks.
Just attend a stranger's funeral in a trench coat, approach the casket and declare, 'Check mate!'
There's that moment in an evening of drinking, hanging out, having fun, when something happens.
Marianne Sierk is flattered when her co-worker calls her a pretty, thin bimbo with no common sense.
Taylor's grandmother won't come to his wedding if he marries a black woman, but she'll probably be dead by then.
What's the point of non-alcoholic beer?
If your parents don't know they're having twins, you can actually crash your own birth.
You don't know where thrift store clothing has been.
God doesn't check IDs.