I thought I was gonna be famous. I did a show like this, and
these producers came to watch my show. I got done; they were like, 'Come here for a...
Posted: 03/03/2005
I got one cousin, he's blind in one eye 'cause he tried to kill
himself with a slingshot. I don't even know how you go about that, you know? He...
Posted: 03/03/2005
I got a hangover. I'm stupid. I went out last night, and I
started out the night shooting tequila, then for some dumb reason, I switched over to...
Posted: 03/03/2005
I got sick of us losing all the time. So, I changed the name of
our team to 'Off Constantly.' That way, at least every time we lost, at the end of...
Posted: 03/03/2005
This is something that happened to me, and a lot of people
think I'm crazy and I'm making it up or whatever, but six months ago, I was abducted by...
Posted: 03/03/2005
I wish we'd all be nice to each other, you know. I do,
especially in this country. I wish we'd get all the white people and black people and...
Posted: 03/03/2005
We're Scottish -- that's why I have a big-ass head, little
wienie. It's a curse. I'm hung like a field mouse in a snow blizzard.
Posted: 03/03/2005
I don't know if you've ever lived with a pregnant woman before,
but the whole time she's pregnant, she's walking around the house like, 'Oh my God,...
Posted: 03/03/2005
They're having trouble now where women are beating up their
husbands. Did you hear about that? It's gotten so bad that they even have a shelter for...
Posted: 03/03/2005
Deep down inside, guys are jealous of you 'cause we know you're
the only creatures God created to be loving and caring and strong enough to give us...
Posted: 03/03/2005