When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents
tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.
Posted: 03/11/2004
Comedy has always been in my blood. The hepatitis is brand new.
Posted: 03/11/2004
This morning, I woke up, and I could feel tension mounting.
Tension's my dog.
Posted: 03/11/2004
Laughter was always the best medicine in my family because we
couldn't afford health insurance.
Posted: 03/11/2004
In her will, my grandmother stipulated that she wanted to be
buried with all of her favorite possessions. Her cat was not happy about that decision.
Posted: 03/11/2004
My grandmother spends all her time out in the garden -- because
that's where we buried her.
Posted: 03/11/2004
I was on a plane three weeks ago, and I was dressed to kill. I
had a turban, a beard, exploding sandals.....
Posted: 03/11/2004
You know who I hate when I fly? The rich people in first class,
because they get to board the plane first, and then, we have to perform our little...
Posted: 03/11/2004
I used to belong to AA, but I had to quit that because -- I
don't know if you know this, but their drinking policy is really strict.
Posted: 03/11/2004
I love Florida. It's my favorite state because it's shaped like
a penis peeing on the Caribbean.
Posted: 03/11/2004